Today I was thinking about my surgery again. I was wondering, what I would do if they found out that I had skin cancer too? what would happen if I follow suit with my dad? I am not sure how I would react or how I would continue this walk of life. Do I posses the courage of Jesus? Knowing my new found fate? I would like to think I would continue on the path that God has for me. But I admittingly know that I do not have that courage. I currently live in fear of it. However, I do trust in my father, that whatever does happen it is what he has planned next in my life. I worry to much this I know. Or maybe I do have the courage to go on and do God's work amongst a tragedy as so. But I lack the faith in my self and the self worth. But growing up the way I did, makes it really hard to see self worth and to love my self for who I am and how the father has created me. I see all these people who are on the right path for their future and getting engaged and married. Then I see my self........ no boyfriend......... and no clue what is to come after college. I know I need no earthly man to fill my hart, or job. But I so desperately feel like a failure for not having things falling in to place. It also doesn't help that parents never tell me they are proud of me for what I have overcome.